Finding Your Voice

Confidence, Empowerment
Curated By
Danielle Fanfair

Danielle Fanfair is a graduate of Baylor University. She is President and CEO of a private coaching practice focused on helping clients go from confusion to clarity about who they truly are. She creates custom journeys for bringing the fullness of the true self to work, relationships and making good big life decisions. With the timing and wit of a comedian, the obsessive research of a nerd, and the compassion of a social worker, Danielle writes, teaches and leads people to 1) the truth of who they are, 2) the essence and value of their gifts and 3) the productivity, creativity, and loving relationships that are possible for them.

In This Guide:

When Oscar Wilde said, “Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken,” it sure sounded good. I bet the person nodded, satisfied at such sage wisdom. Then, walked away and thought, “WAIT! Who am I?” Finding your own voice can seem pretty intimidating. We have to dig through the learned behaviors of our geography, culture and family history, and distinguish all that from our own unique DNA—we’ve got quite a task on our hands. Still, the music, films, books, products and services we enjoy most seem to come from those who understand their uniqueness and offer it to the world. Finding your own voice and knowing your contribution is possible! In this encouragement guide, discover some tips for what to say and what not to say while you are encouraging someone who wants to find their own voice.

They Might Be Thinking:

  • Is something wrong with me?
  • What is my “thing?” 
  • Is what I like to do strange?
  • Am I normal?
  • What is normal?
  • How do I know what I like?
  • Is who I am a reaction to my painful experiences, or really my authentic self?
  • What does my best look like?
  • How can I keep the good ways that my family/culture/environment has influenced me and release the negative influence?
  • How can I avoid becoming my parent(s)?
  • What are my unique gifts?
  • Is it possible to take care of myself and do what I love at the same time?
  • Does my ideal self look like someone else?
  • Why can’t I stop doing what is not good for me and keep doing what I know is good?
  • How can I interrupt cycles I know I learned from somewhere else?
  • Who AM I?

Words That Might Be Encouraging:

  • I’m so happy that you are exploring and developing yourself. 
  • I would love to listen to what you already know about your voice. 
  • You know what I love about you? (Share examples where you’ve seen their good in action.) 
  • I noticed that every time I need _____, I call you. 
  • I believe you are good enough right now. 
  • Spending time doing new things is a great way to observe yourself. 
  • If you didn’t have to think about money or worry about what others thought of you, how would you spend your day?

Words and Actions That Might Be Discouraging:

  • Why are you like this?
  • As long as you have your basic needs met, you shouldn’t worry about stuff like that. 
  • You should know exactly who you are; that’s common sense.
  • As long as you’re a good person, you should be fine. 
  • At least you’re not like ________ (negative comparisons and criticism of someone else can backfire and stay in a person’s mind as passive criticism). 
  • You should go out and get wild! Indulge in more drinks/substances than you usually have. That will show your true colors. 
  • This is not the time to air a grievance with this person. Negative feedback or stories where the person has wronged you will do more damage than good. If they are hoping to find their voice, negative stories about themselves will distract them. 
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